Celebrations are supposed to bring families closer. Birthdays, holidays, weddings—they’re moments people look forward to. But all it takes is one person with no boundaries and too much to drink to ruin the atmosphere for everyone. It’s frustrating, uncomfortable, and deeply unfair to those who just want to enjoy a peaceful gathering.

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to have that one relative who turns every special event into a disaster, usually fueled by alcohol and inappropriate behavior. Whether it’s lewd comments, uninvited touching, or just generally disrespectful actions, this kind of conduct can’t be brushed off anymore.

Recognizing When Enough Is Enough

Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected at family events. No one should have to brace themselves for harassment just because someone refuses to control their drinking. When one person consistently turns joyful get-togethers into personal nightmares, it’s no longer a one-off issue—it becomes a pattern that demands intervention.

What often makes this situation trickier is the pressure to “keep the peace.” The idea that family should just tolerate bad behavior in the name of harmony is outdated and harmful. There’s nothing peaceful about staying silent when someone crosses a line repeatedly.

Freepik | Family gatherings should be safe and respectful spaces, free from alcohol-fueled harassment.

Here’s What to Consider Before Taking Action

1. Violence is not the answer

Striking out physically, even when provoked, rarely helps your case. It can turn the spotlight onto your reaction instead of the original problem. And once things get physical, the focus shifts away from the actual issue—harassment.

2. Draw attention the right way

If boundaries are violated in a physical or overtly inappropriate way, respond loudly and clearly. A direct and public reaction like, “Did you just grab me? That’s not okay. Don’t touch me,” shifts the attention exactly where it needs to be—on the person causing the discomfort.

3. Use the moment to make it a family issue

When someone behaves inappropriately in private, they rely on silence and discomfort to cover their tracks. By addressing the behavior in front of others, it stops being your problem alone and becomes a shared responsibility. Ideally, it prompts other relatives to step in and address the root cause.

Why Confronting the Issue Is Necessary

Uncomfortable as it might be, not addressing the behavior allows it to continue. Families often hesitate to act because “that’s just how he is” or “he’s only like that when he drinks.” But those aren’t excuses—they’re red flags.

Tolerating disrespect sends the message that the person’s behavior is more acceptable than your discomfort, and that’s not something anyone should have to accept.

It’s important to remember that drawing boundaries isn’t about revenge or drama—it’s about safety and respect. If others see that someone is consistently targeting a family member, it may motivate them to rethink future invitations or set new rules around attendance and alcohol consumption.

Navigating the Fallout

There’s always a chance that calling out someone’s behavior will cause ripples. Some relatives may feel embarrassed, defensive, or uncomfortable with the confrontation.

But that discomfort is a small price to pay for finally addressing a behavior that’s been allowed to persist unchecked. When someone’s actions make others feel unsafe, the blame belongs with them—not the person who speaks up.

Here’s the truth: people who are hurt by someone calling out inappropriate behavior are often the same ones who have quietly ignored it for too long.

How Family Can Actually Help

Freepik | dmytro_sidelnikov | When boundaries are crossed, families must act to protect the victim, not enable the offender.

The responsibility to address this issue shouldn’t fall solely on the victim. Other family members can play a key role by:

1. Setting firm expectations about behavior at events.
2. Limiting alcohol if it’s been a trigger in the past.
3. Noticing and stepping in when someone is clearly uncomfortable.
4. Making it clear that disrespect has no place at the table—literally or figuratively.

Families have the power to either protect or fail their members. When someone repeatedly violates boundaries, ignoring it doesn’t keep the peace—it protects the wrong person.

Respect Should Never Be Optional at Family Events

Every family has its quirks. But when those quirks cross into harmful territory, silence becomes part of the problem. It’s not about being dramatic or starting fights—it’s about refusing to let anyone treat others like a punchline, a target, or a secret.

Family should stand for safety, trust, and genuine support. When someone’s behavior repeatedly undermines that, they lose the privilege of being treated like just another guest. Calling out their actions might feel uncomfortable, but it’s often the only way to restore a sense of security and respect for everyone involved.

Celebrations should be moments of joy, not dread. And everyone deserves a seat at the table without fear of who might be sitting next to them.

Helen Hayward